Welcome to The Golden Hour
Or what to say to your kids when you can't go outside because of the apocalypses
you’re getting this email because you’re a subscriber to my TinyLetter or previously signed up for an event or other email from me. Unsubscribe info is at the bottom.
Some times are not like other times. They hold more emotion, more meaning, more urgency, and for all these reasons, more beauty.
Photographers love the fleeting “golden hour,” just after sunrise and just before sunset, when the light glows, shadows are long and you can capture a moment that already holds the warmth and patina of memory.
Trauma medicine specialists talk about a very different “golden hour.” It’s the short period of time, after a body is grievously harmed, when prompt medical attention has the highest likelihood of leading to survival. When I did my “hostile environment training” with NPR in early 2022, before I went to cover the war in Ukraine, they aimed to teach us enough that we wouldn’t keep our hands at our sides when trouble struck. They want you—yes, you—to charge in when a body is bleeding.
The first thousand days after a baby is born, scientists tell us, is another, more tender, golden stretch of time. These endless hours, those few short years, are when 80 percent of brain development occurs. Give babies safety, tenderness, nourishment, shelter, immunizations, songs, stories and sunshine and you are setting a life on its right course. Deny them any of the above and the child will pay for it for decades to come, if they live that long.
Invest now or pay later; that’s just as true if you are parenting a ten year old or a twenty year old, or re-parenting yourself.
And the climate crisis (or more broadly, “the polycrisis,” which is a Spiderverse-like name for the big snarl of stuff happening right now) is its own kind of golden hour. Let’s just say the sooner help comes, the better.
The Golden Hour is a newsletter about these urgent, precious times.
You—yes, you—are living through a polycrisis, and it affects your psyche.
It breaks your heart sometimes when you look at your children or grandchildren and wonder what they’re facing; maybe you’re hesitating over having children or have decided not to. When the planet is blowing through temperature records, your email inbox seems meaningless; but you’re not necessarily an ‘activist,’ don’t feel like part of a movement, don’t know where to start with all this. You don’t need to look at more graphs or charts; you want a space to reflect on how we live and how we care for each other on this changing planet, at a time like this.
One key answer: With joy and a sense of humor.
This newsletter covers the intersections of climate change, other technological and social changes, learning and education, child development, and mental health. I will interview brilliant and empathetic people, cover surprising new research, and share my own experiences where I think they might be helpful. Thank you for coming on board—it’s hugely appreciated. And please—let me know what you’d like me to write about.
About me; Some recent links
I’m a journalist and the author of five books about young people, parenting, innovation and education. In 2022, I left a job at NPR covering education to focus on the intersection of young people and climate change.
I published my first New Yorker feature last month, on charismatic leadership, creativity and the drive for community; was on Slate’s What’s Next podcast talking about cops in schools and the elusiveness of safety; and on WNYC’s Brian Lehrer with an excellent discussion of New Jersey schools teaching climate change and facing some political pushback; Courtney Martin interviewed me for her excellent Substack about this work and why I’m doing it.
This week : Why we can’t play outside
We just lived through the hottest days ever recorded. In many parts of the US right now the air is not great for breathing, while in other parts, it’s so hot and humid that children’s bodies get cramps or other heat illnesses. My older daughter’s sleepaway camp sent an “Air Quality Update” saying they were canceling “strenuous outdoor activities,” which, last time I checked, were kind of the point of summer camp.
If you want to cry-laugh, I recommend reading Bess Kalb’s Substack about how she explained the smokey-air problem earlier this month to her three-year-old:
[Kid] Why is it dark?
ME, INTERNALLY: Because we live in hell.
ME: There are fires very far away, and the wind is blowing the smoke right over us. Good thing we have masks to keep our bodies safe!
I also have some practical tips about what to say to kids when something scary is happening. What follows is an approach for talking to younger kids, but the same framework holds true for older ones; you can also follow the basic formula in dialogue with yourself about hard news, or with a supportive friend or family member.
First thing to know is that our children know when something is up! They’re not clueless. Their survival depends on reading us and our moods, and they overhear more than we know.
In particular, they already have some upsetting ideas about climate change. Megan Bang, who studies human reasoning about the natural world, and helps teachers draw on Indigenous paradigms to teach social and ecological reasoning, told me recently that in her research, five year olds coming to kindergarten have already absorbed the message that “humans harm the earth and the earth is dying.”
What we can say
“Step zero” as my friend Harriet Shugarman says, is to work with our own feelings about what is happening. This can mean anything you need it to mean: vent to a friend, dance it out, scream into a pillow. This is unfair and wrong; our kids should be able to play outside, for Goddess’ sake.
Then we have to talk to our kids, and start to replace that fearful and harmful framework with something that is clear, accurate, and hopeful in a real-deal way.
Start with the facts, as they affect them:
“Forest fires are getting bigger because the world is getting hotter. There is a very big fire in the forests in Canada, and the smoke is traveling down to us. We will wear a mask today. You can see the smoke on this map. The air will be cleaner in a few days.”
(always) “Do you have any questions?”
Give room for feelings:
3. “I know you are disappointed that we can’t play outside. I am disappointed too. The next time we play outside, what do you want to do first?”
(As an option: you might want to let out some feelings, by singing, screaming, dancing, journaling, running; whatever feels good to you).
This might be all they have patience for in that moment, but if and when another moment arises, make sure you talk about solutions and helpers.
“Lots of firefighters from all over the world are working hard to stop the fires. (Here’s a beautiful video clip you can show your kids of firefighters from South Africa arriving in Canada to help). Eventually these fires will go out.”
And offer the chance to take part in actions.
“Some of our leaders are also fighting to make the air cleaner and lower the risk of fires by stopping fossil fuels. Do you want to call them or draw them a picture to tell them to keep going?”
So that’s the formula, whether you have kids or not: facts-feedback/questions-feelings-solutions-actions. And step zero: getting right in your heart so you can show up for others in these moments.
I wish you a blue sky day.
What questions do you have about raising kids in the Anthropocene? What conversations have you had with children or other loved ones about recent weather events?
Smart helpful soulful love it.
Part of the problem is constantly sticking your nose in everything that's wrong with the world. It's a big place. So there are ALWAYS many bad things going on at once. There's always a polycrisis, whether we are aware of it or not. Many even bigger shifts are unfolding that you didn't mention. There are also, primarily, good things happening everywhere, all the time.
Yes, we now sometimes have to concede the eternal bliss and peace that we started taking for granted in the last 30-40 years. Here I mean the Western, privileged 'we', because most of the world was never allowed that.
But that state was an exception to the rule. And it was always coming as consequences of late-stage capitalism, climate change and western imperialism didn't suddenly appear from nowhere. We are living the consequences of processes that started decades ago, and were known to many, decades ago. We just became aware of them now.
The world is messy, and people in power don't act to maximise our positive experience of life.