What I Told My Kids About The Election

And what to say to yours.

Hello friends. Short and sweet today. Thank you, thank you for all your comments and responses to Wednesday’s post, and particularly to

Sarah Wilson

for featuring it on her excellent Substack,

This is Precious

.

My kids are about to turn 8 and 13.

The 7 year old has her 8th birthday on Saturday. During her 4th birthday party, Biden was declared the winner of the 2020 election. Man, that was an awesome day.

That also means that she was born the day after Trump was elected for the first time. That was…woof.

My labor and delivery nurse was named Mohamed. “I was born in Pakistan,” he told me. “Trump is a strongman. I know his type. We’ll never get rid of him.”

Apparently the future is not yet female.

Anyway, the little one hasn’t yet seemed that interested in the results of the election, and I’m happy to take things at her pace and answer her questions as they come up.

The older one is taking it pretty cool. They spent time at lunch at school Wednesday going over exit polls with their friends. We talked last night after they got home from music. Here were my main points, and honestly they apply just as well to myself, and possibly to you.

1. It’s your job to have fun and hang out with your friends, and also to go to school and learn. I am going to try not to take in too much news, and I hope you exercise the same hygiene.

2. There is a lot of power in American society that is not in the White House. There is power in state and local governments, the courts, federal bureaucracy, schools, nonprofits, businesses, churches, mosques and synagogues, in local communities and here in your family. Much of this power will be working hard to stop or mitigate the bad things that Trump and Vance and Project 2025 want to do, and there are ways we can help at all levels.

3. This is mostly something for grownups to help with, but you are getting old enough to figure out an issue that you want to work on, and you will probably feel better if you are engaged in some way. I urge you to focus on one or two things you already care about, like climate change or LGBTQ rights. I will help you find opportunities.

4. Despite all of the above, some bad things are going to happen, and it’s going to feel chaotic and uncertain sometimes. We can prepare for them, but we can’t stop everything. We will always do everything we can to keep you safe.

5. Then we talked about some fun stuff coming up: their birthday wish list, our winter vacation. Things we have control over.

I asked if L. had any questions. The main one was: “How can people support him? He’s so stupid!”

And I wanted to avoid demonizing the other side, so what I said was:

Number one, I don’t think he’s stupid exactly. He’s a liar, and he is obviously really talented at what he does.

And number two, I think a lot of people just feel very unhappy with their lives. We have a lot of privilege, but there are so many people who struggle to pay for things they need, and life feels chaotic and unfair, and they want to punish someone and push out the people in charge. And Trump gave them a way to do that.

For younger kids, or more anxious kids, your script might look a little or a lot different.

I reported a guide for NPR on talking to kids about “scary stuff in the news” that is still quite relevant.

Limit exposure to breaking news. No background TV or radio.

Ask: "What have you heard and how are you feeling?"

Give kids facts and context. Debunk myths and misconceptions.

Resist the temptation to label anyone "bad guys" or "evil."

Encourage kids to process what’s happening through play and art.

Bring their attention to how people are helping and taking care of each other.

Take positive action together.

also good reading on this topic by

Melinda Wenner Moyer

How Have You Talked with Your Kids About the Election?

And if you’re having a version of this processing conversation with friends and family—I hope that you are—A lot of my friends are sharing this great article on “10 ways to be prepared and grounded now that Trump has won” . It reinforces the concept of picking your battles—your things that you are going to focus on and engage with, conserving your energy, building emotional resilience, connecting with others, and letting go of performative or empty actions like angsting on social media. And it includes this sketch of directions and ways to act. I’m a lower-right person, primarily, also doing some direct protection work in the area of mental health.

Comments are open on this post. I want to hear about the conversations you’re having with people you love.