My seven year old came home and told me that they talked with friends about the results at recess. He said they had to stop because some kids were scared. I asked for more information and he said that his friend told everyone that Trump only listens to white men. He said that most of his class is Black and Brown and it really scared everyone. I asked what they did next and he said that they decided to stop talking about it and go play. I told him that was wise.
At home he has asked what it means for the world now that Trump is president and I said something about how we have a lot more work to do now and that we have to work together with our community and help each other because a lot of help is going to go away. I am focusing on actions we can take to connect with our community. I don't think the conversation went perfectly but I tried and I know it will come up again and again.
My four year old understands much less but I know she is taking in our energy so I am trying to give her extra comfort and love- which is maybe even selfish because it is what I need too.
Absolutely, we co-regulate with our kids and the love and routines and everyday joys we provide for them also benefit our own mental health as well and that's exactly how it should be! Sounds like you are doing great.
Your script is very similar to what my husband said to our 7-year-old when he asked us about the election on Wednesday night. His question was “what are the people who voted for Trump afraid of?” I also talked about some of the things that the people who voted for Trump *are* afraid of, in my opinion, but I might intentionally complicate the story I told with a couple of the deeper fears that I think underly those surface ones if the subject comes up again over the weekend.
We have also been processing the election a lot through play over the last couple of months, which has become my kid’s favorite game. (He thinks the character I play is hilarious.)
Rachel, what a great, compassionate question from your kid, and worthy of praise. It's the kind of question that's going to guide us where we want to go, I think.
Excellent. Your thoughtfulness and honesty is a breath of fresh air. Since kids will hear all kinds of things at school it’s so important to have conversations at home….at all ages. Always good to ask them what they think and know, and listen…. Stressing they are safe is really important. 🙏🏼 Thanks for your wisdom.
Oops, we already labeled Trump a "bad guy" 4 years ago when trying to explain to our then 3-year old why we were celebrating Biden's victory.... have been talking in those terms ever since. When discussing the people who voted for Trump this time we have used the framing of - they've been lied to and have been hearing incorrect information for so long that they believe it. So not labeling *them* "bad" or "evil", but have definitely labeled Trump. Any advice on back-tracking?
"I know I've used the word bad guy before when talking about Trump. I want to say a little more about what I meant. He has said and done some really mean things, and also told a lot of lies. The things he's done are so mean and wrong that we can't listen to him, or trust him, and we know enough to know that we need to stay far away from people like that. I don't think he's going to change. But we don't need to call him a "bad guy" and we should try not to waste our energy hating him. We don't want anyone to get hurt, not even Trump. We are going to need that energy for loving and protecting the people who need it."
I don't have kids, but this sounds so perfect — and it helps me, a 63-year-old, to hear it!
I do think much of our electorate is highly uneducated. Not stupid, but extremely low-information. Already, some of them are learning the hard way what they didn't understand during the campaign — like, we will pay tariffs, not other countries, etc.
Just want to observe that what to say to your kids post-election becomes somewhat different if your family includes undocumented folks or trans people, especially trans young people. Our blood and chosen family includes both. Yesterday we used a lot of sarcasm and online word games to cope; perfect for life with a 15-year-old. But that chart is great, and I'll show it to my teen. Thank you!
Argh, the edit function isn't working. I wanted to change "very" to "somewhat." The fundamental message is the same--there are adults who love you and will do everything in their power to keep you safe, and there are communities who are working together to keep all of us safe. Let's be part of that. But for today, we're spending time at the Indiana Dunes National Park.
Hey, Anya, just writing to apologize for writing a comment that came off (at least in my own ears) as snarky and vaguely "oppression olympics" sounding. I'm not doing well right now for personal as well as political reasons, and it showed. I really appreciate you and find the chart you referenced useful.
My seven year old came home and told me that they talked with friends about the results at recess. He said they had to stop because some kids were scared. I asked for more information and he said that his friend told everyone that Trump only listens to white men. He said that most of his class is Black and Brown and it really scared everyone. I asked what they did next and he said that they decided to stop talking about it and go play. I told him that was wise.
At home he has asked what it means for the world now that Trump is president and I said something about how we have a lot more work to do now and that we have to work together with our community and help each other because a lot of help is going to go away. I am focusing on actions we can take to connect with our community. I don't think the conversation went perfectly but I tried and I know it will come up again and again.
My four year old understands much less but I know she is taking in our energy so I am trying to give her extra comfort and love- which is maybe even selfish because it is what I need too.
Absolutely, we co-regulate with our kids and the love and routines and everyday joys we provide for them also benefit our own mental health as well and that's exactly how it should be! Sounds like you are doing great.
Your script is very similar to what my husband said to our 7-year-old when he asked us about the election on Wednesday night. His question was “what are the people who voted for Trump afraid of?” I also talked about some of the things that the people who voted for Trump *are* afraid of, in my opinion, but I might intentionally complicate the story I told with a couple of the deeper fears that I think underly those surface ones if the subject comes up again over the weekend.
We have also been processing the election a lot through play over the last couple of months, which has become my kid’s favorite game. (He thinks the character I play is hilarious.)
Rachel, what a great, compassionate question from your kid, and worthy of praise. It's the kind of question that's going to guide us where we want to go, I think.
Your 7-year-old is smart. A lot of this is fear-driven.
Excellent. Your thoughtfulness and honesty is a breath of fresh air. Since kids will hear all kinds of things at school it’s so important to have conversations at home….at all ages. Always good to ask them what they think and know, and listen…. Stressing they are safe is really important. 🙏🏼 Thanks for your wisdom.
thank you Rona!
Oops, we already labeled Trump a "bad guy" 4 years ago when trying to explain to our then 3-year old why we were celebrating Biden's victory.... have been talking in those terms ever since. When discussing the people who voted for Trump this time we have used the framing of - they've been lied to and have been hearing incorrect information for so long that they believe it. So not labeling *them* "bad" or "evil", but have definitely labeled Trump. Any advice on back-tracking?
"I know I've used the word bad guy before when talking about Trump. I want to say a little more about what I meant. He has said and done some really mean things, and also told a lot of lies. The things he's done are so mean and wrong that we can't listen to him, or trust him, and we know enough to know that we need to stay far away from people like that. I don't think he's going to change. But we don't need to call him a "bad guy" and we should try not to waste our energy hating him. We don't want anyone to get hurt, not even Trump. We are going to need that energy for loving and protecting the people who need it."
I don't have kids, but this sounds so perfect — and it helps me, a 63-year-old, to hear it!
I do think much of our electorate is highly uneducated. Not stupid, but extremely low-information. Already, some of them are learning the hard way what they didn't understand during the campaign — like, we will pay tariffs, not other countries, etc.
I agree, a lot of my parenting tips are also self-care tips...
Just want to observe that what to say to your kids post-election becomes somewhat different if your family includes undocumented folks or trans people, especially trans young people. Our blood and chosen family includes both. Yesterday we used a lot of sarcasm and online word games to cope; perfect for life with a 15-year-old. But that chart is great, and I'll show it to my teen. Thank you!
Argh, the edit function isn't working. I wanted to change "very" to "somewhat." The fundamental message is the same--there are adults who love you and will do everything in their power to keep you safe, and there are communities who are working together to keep all of us safe. Let's be part of that. But for today, we're spending time at the Indiana Dunes National Park.
As a matter of fact my big kid is trans.
Hey, Anya, just writing to apologize for writing a comment that came off (at least in my own ears) as snarky and vaguely "oppression olympics" sounding. I'm not doing well right now for personal as well as political reasons, and it showed. I really appreciate you and find the chart you referenced useful.
I appreciate you too Maureen. We're all doing the best we can.
I found this really helpful. Thanks Anya!
Thank you Courtney. Wishing you well!
I honestly do not think that children need be exposed to polarized social media narratives on any level.
Yes but they are
They're also being killed in war zones. People are callous to say the least.
That is not an option.
Seemingly not...